Here’s what went down in Episode 3 (entitled High Sparrow), Season 5 of HBO’s Game of Thrones:
- Arya (Maisie Williams) in the temple being all ‘I’m ready to be a jedi knight now’ with Faceless Guy (Tom Wlaschiha). But, alas, until she is ready to cast away all the things that make her Arya, she must be patient. Hiding Needle under rocks counts as ‘getting rid of’ doesn’t it?
- So Margaery (Natalie Dormer) gets married to another king. Turns out third time’s the charm and she manages to bed this one. She also begins right in with the manipulations. Cersei (Lena Headey) attempts to counteract next time she is with Margaery but in a matter of sentences Margaery has managed to call her a lush, refer to her as the queen mum and out-snark the bitch!
- Remember Theon Greyjoy (Alfie Allen)? Yeah, his boss Ramsey (Ivan Rheon) is one sick motherfucking puppy:
- Theon appears more with it this season and I am hoping he eventually stabs Ramsey in the eye. It would be good if he could do this before Sansa Stark (Sophie Turner) marries him. Yep, this is totally a thing. Sansa has to be the princess of jumping right out of the pan and into the fire with all the stupid she’s been involved in. I wonder if she is regretting Brienne’s (Gwendoline Christie) offer now?
- Speaking of Brienne, her and Podrick (Daniel Portman) have a bonding moment and I am fist-pumping the air when Brienne vows to kill King Douche Stannis (Stephen Dillane)
- So the Sparrows are religious fanatics and Cersei decides to side with them. Two sides to a penny really in my opinion; crazy x 2
- Arya’s scrag fight.
- Baby King Tommen (Dean-Charles Chapman) having sex. Ew!
- Baelish (Aidan Gillen) is a cunt for arranging Sana’s betrothal to Ramsey Snow.
- That moment when all the women at Winterfell are gathered there there is ‘a look’ between them. WTF was that all about?
- Jon Snow (Kit Harrington) is now the boss of the Wall and God help any hecklers because Jon will cut your motherfucking head off!
- Wait, what’s this old dude doing in a brothel? Hang on a minute… it’s the Maester. Oh no, what’s going on? The Sparrows are barging in and taking the naked Maester, making him do the walk of shame and I am left with nothing but the stench of religious guilt.
- Tyrion (Peter Dinklage) is going box crazy – both literally and metaphorically – so, against Varys’s (Conleth Hill) better judgement, they go to a brothel. Surprise, no suprise, Tyrion gets hooker-shy after remembering Shae (Sibel Kekilli) and has to go out for some fresh air. Here he manages to get kidnapped by Ser Friendzone Jorah (Iain Glen) who announces it’s off to see the queen and I am totally throwing things at the TV until I realise Jorah probably meant Daenerys (Emilia Clarke) and not Cersei.
What did you think of Episode 3 of Game of Thrones? Let me know your thoughts by commenting below!
You can read my Episode 4 recap here.
(Photo Credits: HBO Inc.)
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