Lost Cause (previously titled ‘Return to Oz’)
Yeah, I’m late again – sorry about that Here’s what went down in Episode 5 (entitled Lost Cause) of HBO’s True Blood Season 7:
- Kenya (Tonya Wright) is dead – can’t believe I missed that last week! And then there were two left in the Bon Temps police department…
- Willa (Amelia Rose Blair) is like a pissy teenager this week and as a result Eric Northman (Alexander Skarsgard) releases that bitch in order to get her to shut the fuck up – but not before she spills the beans on her step mommy, Sarah Newlin (Anna Camp). Turns out Mrs. Newlin has a vampire sister, Amber Mills (Natalie Hall) who no one knew about. Enter another pissy teen – thanks to contracting Hep-V – but at least this one wants Sarah Newlin dead. As a result, Pam (Kristin Bauer van Straten) can totally see the pair of them being BFFs.
- Ginger (Tara Buck) = sex slave to Eric, but without the sex! LMAO
- Lafayette (Nelsan Ellis) throws Sookie Stackhouse (Anna Paquin) a huge ‘celebrating the dead‘ funeral party for Alcide (Joe Manganiello) and Tara (Rutina Wesley). As a result, the following happen:
- Lala gets laid. But it turns out to be with James (Nathan Parsons), Jessica’s (Deborah Ann Woll) boyfriend, so cue argument here.
- Also cue revenge sex between Jess and Jason (Ryan Kwanten)
- Violet (Karolina Wydra) overhears the revenge sex, so I’m guessing there will be some ACTUAL revenge from her next week… Oh, yeah, and Violet is just an general all over bitch this week as well.
- Sookie gets drunk
- Lettie Mae (Adina Porter) turns up (after drugging her husband) and proposes a non-alcoholic toast to her dead daughter – because, you know, she’s tots not an alcoholic any more… she’s a V addict instead! So Willa ends up getting stabbed by Lettie Mae and Lala has to evict his own aunty from the party.
- Bill (Stephen Moyer) is a pouty mopey pants. This results in a whole heap of Civil war flashbacks *yawn*
- Andy (Chris Bauer) proposes to Holly (Lauren Bowles), who totally says yes and I am crying and laughing at the best awkward proposal EVER.
- Speaking of Andy, he and Jessica make up.
- Arlene (Carrie Preston) consoles Sookie. You know, since they have both lost boyfriends to a random gunshot and all. Apparently time and tequila is the secret to getting over the death of a loved one.
- Keith (Riley Smith) turns up and makes Arlene go all; ‘I’ve gotta tinkle because I’m a human and that’s how we roll.’
- Nicole (Jurnee Smollett-Bell) is pregnant and pissy and not really fitting in with the Bon Temps crowd.
- Meanwhile, over in Texas, Eric and Pam are attending a Ted Cruz gala event.
- Republicunts. This is my new fave word. Yeah, Pam said it. She is awesome.
- Eric in a Texan outfit. Can’t believe he pulls it off!
- Sepaking of, Eric is now at Stage 2 of the Hep-V virus. Time is ticking by, will a cure ever be found?
- As a result of Eric, Pam, Sarah’s parents, Sarah Newlin and the republicunts all being in the same place at the same time, we get a massacre thanks to the Yukuza turning up and spoiling the tea party. RIP Sarah’s parents.
- Yeah, so Sarah is running for her life and runs straight into the clutches of Eric Northman. But, before he can squeeze the life out of her, the Yukuza turn up as well and he has to dispatch with them first.
- Bill. Gets out of the bath. Has Hep-V. No wonder he was sucky at Sookie’s party 😦
So, what did you think of Episode 5 of True Blood Season 7? Let me know in the comments below!
You can read my Episode 6 recap by clicking here.
(Photo Credits: HBO Inc.)
- IN A NUTSHELL: True Blood Season 7 Episode 4 Recap (racheltsoumbakos.wordpress.com)