Jesus Gonna Be Here
Okay, so my main recaps on HBO’s True Blood Season 7 will be over on TrueBloodNet.com (the fansite I write for), but I thought I would do a super quick recap here as well!
In a nutshell, this is what happened:
- Oh, look zompires!
- Tara (Rutina Wesley) dies thanks to an off screen battle. But that’s okay, because no one outside of Jessica Hamby (Deborah Ann Woll) seem to give a shit anyway.
- So people are being taken rather than slaughtered… *yawn* #notredwedding
- Jessica is playing fairy godmother. Adilyn (Bailey Noble) is dumb enough to trust the vampire that ate her sisters.
- Oh look, it’s new James! (played now by Nathan Parsons and not Luke Grimes) Which is hotter? *spends the rest of the episode trying to decide*
- Vince (Brett Rickaby). He is the new fucktard of True Blood – until Gus and the Figure show up at least! In the mean time, you can hate the crap out this guy plenty. He shows up EVERYWHERE annoying the shit out of EVERYONE. *groan*
- There is a whole heap of new abandoned places in Bon Temps to be investigated in the search for the nest of Hep-V vampers. This seems to be merely a delaying tactic so Kevin (John Rezig) can get eaten in the basement of Fangtasia (because no one would think of looking there ever *rolls eyes*)
- Whoa! Jason (Ryan Kwanten) and Violet (Karolina Wydra) finally have sex. On the hood of a car. Yeah, hello breakfast!
- Pam (Kristin Bauer van Straten)! Yay it’s Pam! Excitement for all of thirty seconds (or long enough for Pam to get her snarky lines out) and then realisation sinks in that Pam will be playing the ‘Where in the World is My Maker‘ game for a while yet…
- Bongs. Namely Lafayette (Nelsan Ellis) and James. But, seriously, they are smoking bongs! The reason is that Lala is feeling guilty for not caring his cuz is now dead (again, and then again again) and James is just joining in because it seems he swings both ways.
- Oh no, Willa (Amelia Rose Burrell) don’t give Lettie Mae (Adina Porter) your blood – can anyone say ‘hello, I’m a V addict now‘?
- Sookie Stackhouse (Anna Paquin) is apparently now the town fang banging hoe. It seems that everyone in Bon Temps (including her latest squeeze, Alcide) thinks because Sookie fucks vampires, it’s her fault Willa’s daddy infected the Tru Blood back at Vamp Camp in Season 6. But that’s okay because Sookie turns up at church and tells the small minded towns folk just what she thinks of them.
- The End. Yeah, way to go, Sookie talks and the episode is over.
You can read my Episode 2 recap by clicking here.
So, what did you think of Episode 1 (entitled Jesus Gonna Be Here) of HBO’s True Blood? Let me know in the comments below. Alternatively, if you want my comprehensive recap on what went down in this episode, you can view it by clicking here.
(Photo Credits: HBO Inc.)
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