Welcome to my Season 4 recaps of HBO’s Game of Thrones. If you don’t like swearing, please step away now. Ditto for spoilers…
We start Episode 1, entitled Two Swords, with the forging of the aforementioned swords – using none other than Ned Stark’s (Sean Bean) glorious Ice. So large it is big enough to forge two swords – and yet even a sword of that size could not save the Stark clan… This is a point that makes Tywin Lannister (Charles Dance) as smug as a pig in shit as he creates a new sword for his eldest non-crippled son Jaime (Nikolaj Coster-Waldau). So ha ha, the joke’s on you Tywin when it turns out Jaime is only one-handed now… karma’s a bitch baby!
Speaking of poor old Jaime, it turns out that his dear sister, Cersei (Lena Headey), has given him a golden hand
shake and even for all his “Fuck you dad, I’m staying on the Knight’s Guard to save the remaining shreds of my honour” it amounts to the fact that Jaime has given up his birthright and a safe place at Casterly Rock for a woman who doesn’t want him any more.
So incest is okay, but being handless is not, okay Cersei…
In this episode Jaime also gets scorned by the little shit that is his own bastard son, Joffrey Baratheon (Jack Gleeson), seems getting taken prisoner and held captive against your will is not good enough for ANY of the Lannisters…
Oh course, then Brienne of Tarth (Gwendoline Christie) gets on the bandwagon and tells Jaime he’s an oath breaker yet again because he never returned Arya (Maisie Williams) and Sansa (Sophie Turner) back to their mother, Catelyn Stark (Michelle Fairley), Right-o then…
So what else happens in this episode?
Well, Tyrion (Peter Dinklage) is having to deal with a new wife and his established lover. Poor Sansa is fretting over the annihilation of her entire family (or so she and everyone else seems to think). While no one can get through to her, the drunk whose life she saved seems pretty impressed and manages to chip through her exterior by presenting her with the only thing he has left of worth: his mother’s necklace.
Speaking of necklaces, Joffrey’s bride to be, Margaery Tyrell (Natalie Dormer) is trying to sort out what she will wear, jewellery-wise, on her wedding day. Her canny mother is not happy with any of the choices and sends all the servants off to find the best of the lot – effectively reducing the jewellery availability to other noblewomen down to a meagre level.
And what of the mother of dragons, Daenerys Targaryen (Emilia Clarke)? Well it seems that growing dragons are a little hard to handle and this thought is only just occurring to the Khalessi. And, yes, they are STILL on their epic journey from nothing to supreme ruler of all the lands…
Jon Snow (Kit Harington) is back from his adventures across the wall and is nearly beheaded for his treason. Luckily someone realises that if every crow lost his head from bedding a woman than there would be no one left on the wall…
Speaking of the other side of the wall, it seems Ygritte (Rose Leslie) is also in trouble for not killing Jon Snow.
Finally, we finish up this episode with some long deserved justice for Arya as she finally gets to retrieve her sword, Needle, from the bastard that took it from her.
- Oberyn (also known as the Red Viper and played by Pedro Pascal) stabbing a man’s hand just because he was singing the Lannister’s song.
- Jaime’s hilarious golden hand wave.
- Tyrion saying no to sex.
- The handmaid dobbing on Shae (Sibel Kekilli) and Tyrion’s anti-tryst.
- Arya’s retrieval of Needle from Poliver (Andy Kellegher). Yes, revenge is certainly a dish best served cold! And little Arya is irretrievably no longer redeemable as a lady (not that that is a bad thing).
- Sandor (Rory McCann) Clegane’s overuse of the word ‘cunt’. And using it to such extreme that some of the phrasings didn’t even make any sense any more.
What did you think of the Season 4 premiere of HBO’s Game of Thrones? What moments had you going WTF?! Let me know in the comments below.
You can read my Episode 2 recap here.
(Photo Credits: HBO Inc.)